The problem i’m having right now is that I'm doing very little that I'm good at. At work, I'm doing research on a very complicated project with no real support from above. Maybe one day I'll be a great researcher -- more likely I'll be a good one. But right now I'm not even good, and all my time is taken up by a project that demands (and deserves) someone who is. So I spend my days struggling, struggling at something that I came into this project with high hopes of being good at. As a result, my confidence needs a bit of body work.
The obvious corollary of spending all my time doing something I'm not good at is that I'm not spending any time doing what I am good at: no presentations, no quick, clever writing, no syntheses. So I'm not getting the emotional rewards I'm used to from those tasks.
And I'm not doing much I'm good at in my spare time either. No blogging, because voice recognition software is such a nightmare compared to typing. I spent twice as long correcting the above two paragraphs as I did writing them. And speaking one's thoughts isn't nearly as creative and free-form as typing them -- at least not in the way one speaks to a computer.
I was good at running: now I can't run. I was good at pullups: can't do those any more either. I'm swimming every day, and I'm innately terrible at it. At the very best, I can devote the next two years to becoming mediocre, then sustaining that objective mediocrity over enough years that I see myself as relatively good or even great. That goal has medium and long term emotional (not to mention physical) rewards, but in the short term it's a bit like getting hit in the head with a wet hammer every day.
I'm good at being a student though, so maybe when my courses start in October that will give me a lift.
And I feel good at and about my parenting, but I don't get to spend enough time doing it. Maybe that's why I feel such a strong desire right now to cut back on my days: in addition to all the other pleasures of spending more time with Astrid, I would be doing something that helps me feel good about myself.